March 28, 2012

. . . . .

Somedays we, Well no use pretending to be cool and doing general talking, I feel that i am not worth to live, or loved.
I have less concern for people or their feelings in place of mine, I avoid emotions, I distance myself from people who start to love me or showing affections or get close to me.
If there is a self survey/introspection, I know very well that the duration of myself being alone is much greater than being with people. I don't have much social life or extroverted as i seem to be. Infact my extroversion and social life is negligible.

Here ends what i know.
What i don't know is,

Why the hell I do this. To myself and others.
I feel something deep and seriously wrong with my mind. 
Am i really that Psychologically affected person, the one whom i have been avoiding so long.
The MPD and schizophrenia and some other illusion disorders which i have been reading about or seeing in serials, All the while digesting and burying the fact that they don't define me.

Today, A Choice had to be made.
Something which i or him never imagined to come to this point. 
It all started with me behaving weird and closed. 
And ended with me losing the only person i love. 

I have no reason for me being closed and hard. Selfish and silly.
Mainly, I don't understand myself, the way i feel.

I never meant to hurt anyone. 

Hearing me?

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