WRITING, As you call it!

I am just not gonna write anything tonight.
All thoughts and no substance and sticky words, just not working daily.

All you beautiful writers out there, keep up your beautiful words intact and keep them coming, they just amaze me as much as they deter me positively, just proving the fact, that just by having the writing abilities one can't go beyond a fifth post.
And content, it will come.

Beautiful writing, it is a beautiful dream to live for.

And yes, apologies for the nameless posts previously. I just can't be more stupid.

Vini :-)

Sick.

Had a long night, not to mention he word emotional, yesterday. Had to go through the battle of emotions and without a concrete point. More like fighting blindfolded in the dark, just by swishing the swords in all directions.
Which led to a shallow alert sleep
for some four hours.
Which explains the status of myself, sick tired with burning eyes and a nice headache.

Work, fortunately not much incoming except for small requests.

Researched about blog, and the results are quite depressing, be it my blog seo or pageranks.
Well have to accept how nobody cares to read non stop ramblings of a 20-something sitting in the corner of the fifth floor, hidden behind a square box of an old pc. Funny how could I ever dream of becoming visible when I am just aiming for invisibility all over. Contradictory, yes me.

More later.





Taken from my iPod in morning, can't sit idle when your bus is tuck in traffic jam for an hour.
And, damn hot. What is becoming of the good old cool city of Bangalore.

We callourselves as good yet we don't even need two digits to count our good deeds. Staying good make difference in ur conscience but doing good would make difference in life not just self.



Vini :-)

- Posted using BlogPress from my iTouch

Just an attempt. And ya, Bored!

Vini :-)

. . . . .

Somedays we, Well no use pretending to be cool and doing general talking, I feel that i am not worth to live, or loved.

I have less concern for people or their feelings in place of mine, I avoid emotions, I distance myself from people who start to love me or showing affections or get close to me.

If there is a self survey/introspection, I know very well that the duration of myself being alone is much greater than being with people. I don't have much social life or extroverted as i seem to be. Infact my extroversion and social life is negligible.

Here ends what i know.

What i don't know is,

Why the hell I do this. To myself and others.

I feel something deep and seriously wrong with my mind. 

Am i really that Psychologically affected person, the one whom i have been avoiding so long.

The MPD and schizophrenia and some other illusion disorders which i have been reading about or seeing in serials, All the while digesting and burying the fact that they don't define me.

Today, A Choice had to be made.

Something which i or him never imagined to come to this point. 

It all started with me behaving weird and closed. 

And ended with me losing the only person i love. 

I have no reason for me being closed and hard. Selfish and silly.

Mainly, I don't understand myself, the way i feel.

I never meant to hurt anyone. 

Hearing me?

Road to Light.

Road to Light., a photo by vinithra. on Flickr.

I am always on the look out for arrangements, creating a perspective of view.

Uploaded some works in my flickr (http://www.flickr.com/photos/vinithra/).
So Why not share a pic here, closing today's blogging, especially when i am feeling so tired and unwell (and Lazy ofcourse) after an hectic day. :-)

Writings? Maybe, Procastination would be a good idea today.

LIFE AND ME.

Well, I did start writing in my journal, after so many days. And Time is not on my Journal's side i presume. The ink got over and i had to suspend the writing for a while.

So many things in mind, and so less in energy to express.

All the same I should accept that, I don't come across much things that could be worth a mention. A day, most of the time, spent in front of a computer, doesn't have much to look into.

Except for the thoughts and the ways i could feel, varying every moment and swinging through the extremes, I just don't have physical quantities in life to carry forward.

Not to blame the profession I am in, Cos' When we strive for something since high school, where we need to put in lot of time and space and energy and efforts, to earn the bread for the day, is not a joke, and can't possibly be burdened with a feel of regret and guilt.

If we feel that the job has to be blamed for the stress and fatigue at the day's end, the most sensible thing to be done is to quit it.

Money or Food, whatever reason be it, Life is not worth the bad feel we give in and for which we don't take up the responsibility.

Doesn't quite work that way.

And for this Life, Every feel is taken into account. Including the Solitude.

Trying to be in a relapse, sure demands time to settle down and pacify the fears and feels of loneliness and regret.

But i guess we need to keep walking.

Put the trust in the relation and move forward with a strong heart.

Life just doesn't stop.

WEIRD TIMES. ON and AHEAD.

So, as far as i understand, i can keep up a resolution for upto three days max. I just couldn't write up the daily nonsense owing to my laziness.

Much has been happening, relationship issue, and I did and Now I am trying to ignore and forget whatever has been happening.

Just feeling hurt and alone. Confused. 

Love is really a beautiful thing, gives a special meaning to Life, But not the whole meaning. 

When it comes to life, There are many others reasons to breathe and smile, And Love just doesn't becomes everything.

I may be seeing something very small and worthless, but I want to settle with something that i have been fighting for years. Freedom. One thing that has been elusive for me, An Independence-day born.

But the present seem more lost. 

I have been losing touch with friends, family, etc. in the context of being in a relationship which needs some solid time and space. 

But now, as it has been suspended (the suitable word i would use as of now), I feel void.

It seems like, I entered into the gates of a city, a stranger empty place. 

Alone and empty.

Snapped from the illusion of having 430 friends or a big family.

It is just me and me.

Moreover, This age of mine is not the best time to lose a relationship, Cos' anytime i would be tied an irreversible knot, and it is totally insensible if it is a stranger in the scene.

But then, As far as i am concerned, That one particular issue would have to stay "ELUSIVE" as much and as long as my independence.

Life is very short (And all the same i don't intend for it to be long). And I want to Feel and Live for sometime. 

No dependencies or intrusions.

No Wonder. No Problem.

Being Me and Me, all over.

NEVERTHELESS, AN IDLE DAY AND IDLE ME. PERSONALITY and Other stuffs.

I have lot in mind, yet i am unable to write anything, atmost concrete. 

Since morning, i remember getting lost into Thoughts atleast four times today. Yet, neither could i remember them to pen down nor could i rethink again. The Fatigue i suppose.

Other than the usual work, chilled out conversations and humour, the thriller of a bus ride to and fro office, the handsome cute guy in bus, and my new funny kiddish hair style, the one other thing i did was taking random psychological personality tests. Right, was a bit too much idle today and hence this doing.

Check out the following:

Ha ha.. "Save the World, Here I come!".

That was a great time pass. 

I can't say for sure that these results were accurate or not. But i could say that self-introspection is something that attracts me. Maybe that's one of the reasons behind my interest in psychology. Knowing self and others is a way to understand the world and life better.

Well Whatever.

For what it is worth, It was worth the time. 

And tomorrow, probably i would pen down the times i get "lost in thoughts". Will see what maketh a day.

P.S.:More than Superman, I would love to be invisible girl, Or the wonder girl, Or Ice-princess. ;-)

A FEEL to WORK, BREATHE, and LIVE for. And to TALK NONSENSE about. LIKE THIS.

Oh Man! Crisis.

I was under the conception that the name i have kept for my blog is something out of the box, and if i google it, i could find the link atleast in the tenth page. But not happening.

Seems like many have thought blah-blah-blah-ing through their blogs, i mean Blahgs.

Well now even the name is as dilemma-ic as the blog itself. 

Anyways, As i said, It just doesn't stop.

Today i had a nice chilled out conversation with team, Where a colleague described his morning walks and brought out the Refreshing feel to reality. As for me, being a night person, and having witnessed just few sunrises, It was more of a pleasant stuff to hear, which took me to wondering how would it be, and how would i feel. 

Never Mind. It's all about how we enjoy, not exactly when. Though trying out things even if it doesn't come under your line would be a good idea, after all we try out things and show ourselves as someone who we may not really be, Why not try out small simple new things for personal ways.

Not altogether pointless.

Pointless. Yes, I had written a line in my other blog yesterday, " just don't lead a pointless life just cos' it seems to be the easy way"

A Comment by a good friend, that we could very well lead a pointless life than living on silly points. 

Well, i have been thinking on this for the past few hours and i just couldn't get myself to acknowledge it in any possible way. Not to be biased, It may also be because that my thought has been opposed. 

Anyways, I feel that even if purpose behind, be it silly or worthy, it is our life and the FEEL we have must be genuine and true. Nothing else matters. 

Do you think I give a damn on what you feel about my life. Obviously not. None of us do. 

Hence Proved. Simple and nice to argue, having a valid point and a void response. ;-)

Also, this blog is all about what i really think and feel, and not what i reply.

Dust off to those diplomatic polished replies.

SILLY RANDOMNESS. How well I could be.

Lately, I am becoming a good Muddlehead.

Take anything in the day-to-day walk, I have a second thought, not to mention the hundred thoughts that flow afterwards. A hesitation, An Indifference, A Guilt, And a Stress.

In the end, I feel Tired. 

An Unwilling Heart to clear my sleep. An Hesitation to board the office bus, to undergo the Pressure of Rash driving and Traffic and heat and Dust around. A Sullen face while walking all the way to my place. A Burdened feel and tightened Mind, weighing heavily on my Head in the long hours of bonding with a box of micro chips and cards and few electrons and light. A negligible weak lunch and small conversations. And a Tiresome physical feel back to home.

And a Continuous search for minute joys and good feel all along.

Well, I seem to have ended up with the right thing.

In our lives, and during some phases, Unless we intend for Peace and Happiness by valuing even the micro minute joys and goodness in life, we will probably get buried in the daily trials and trifles till we are completely washed out of the passion for life.

Moral: Make sure you find one thing today that would make you spend a small moment with a beautiful smile and a silent chuckle and a heartbeat of inspiration.

Share(if ever someone is reading) your point of joy today.

Mine? Well, I had a short deep nap on my desk after a heavy lunch and none of my colleagues did think of disturb. And woke up as if in a hangover. Damn the Hot Summer! (Nothing on me ofcourse :-P)

TRUST. AND IT GOES ON.

TRUST is not as easy as it's incantation.
Love is a feeling that is quite universal, not talking about Romance though. Love blooms and evolves out of good Heart.
Trust, on the other hand, is actually the extremity of the same case.
Trust is the measure of the Strength and Pride one has in One'sLove.

Trust and Belief is something that emerges from the darkness and delusion as the brightest source of light ever, Brighter than a hundred thousand Suns.

This Enlightenment happens however, after a struggle. A Fight against your own Belief and view and a struggle to keep your Love breathing. A Noble state which can be achieved by giving complete heart and soul in a clash against our conception, for something which you believe is to be true.
One can understand the greatness of trust only when the heart has been subjected to the hard side.

And, Unless and Until we Understand, We can never appreciate or respect the belief bestowed upon us.

To cut a long story short, just don't lead a pointless life just cos' it seems to be the easy way.

Believe. Be Live.

        

Moongame-6

Moongame-6, a photo by vinithra. on Flickr.

Touching the MOOOOOONNNN!!! :-)

DAY TWO!! What else I could name it.

I am on a weird stuck up feel. Like a dog fully drenched in rain, and the only way to get dry and fresh would be waiting for the rain to stop and the water molecules to evaporate. Though I wouldn't mind being in rain.

I had an hair cut last night, well after fantasies of having long wavy hair that dances in the wind, and after months of growing it to a good length till my hips to be precise, I wanted to groom and level it.
Unfortunately, the lady in the salon had other creative ideas in her mind. Which ended up in me getting an altogether a different look. Short and smart, and which I never had intended for.

There are times when things get screwed up, You end up with the wrong outcome of right idea of someone else.
What is the point in blaming someone when it does not rewind and make things right.
Where is the purpose of brooding about it when it won't change a thing.
Why is it so difficult for me to accept the person's mistake when I couldn't even accept myself however I look.

If I am destined that I should walk around the world with this funky look, then be it. I love the unforseen weird funny challenges. And I am way too strong to react badly for a exterior Thingy. So let's have a go.

And yes, second day maybe, but still, I haven't yet completely made up my mind about this blah-blah-blah-g.


Vini :-)

SOME START. Well Ofcourse, I could say!

Well, I had been at this point, five times in the past to be exact. 

Starting a Blog is not a new thing for me. I, being so random and whimsical, likes following my ideas however silly or vague they may be. A need to start afresh. A wish to scribble. An Urge to actually sound Non-sensical.

You may think, why to start a new space altogether, when i am left with a Good blog and especially when it is void of my writings, and a handful of people waiting for my once-in-bluemoon articles. A question i asked myself. 

Well, That's the whole point. This time it won't be just another blog of mine.

This space is mainly for my rants and silly ideas and sometimes-great thoughts and Random philosophies ofcourse. Not always big essays, just daily non-sense, sometimes one-lines or small phrases. And no concerns about readers or followers. Anyways, I didn't make big out of my well-framed and well-organised posts. And though impressive, I couldn't always stay the same Calm and composed deep thoughts.

The trigger, I read this one-awesome blog busblog, where he told me (well, me when i read) how we must go about a blog. Though it hasn't sinked in wholly, i just feel like doing this. 

Let's see how it goes.

The plain Truth, It just never stops. :-)