I KEEP WALKING. . .

it happens everytime

and only to me..

no wonder why i need no mask,

when the real face is one. .

am no fake..

yet reality is latent..

i get pushed and pulled;

kicked and thrown..

but everytime the play ends,

i dont lose

yet i seem to be lost..

searching for the missing me

being in heavy shoes;

i keep walking

in an unknown track..

i see progress,

when i am dragging myself in my path..

i see laughs and joy,

but when i try, i find the back-end broken..

people call me sleepyhead,

and i dont deny..

cos' when the whole world is sleeping,

i can see myself,

the real "me" living..

nevertheless.. i keep walking,

with no more than two entities,

the living dreams and the dead reality..

only to find myself facing a dead-end..

i shout from the depth of my heart,

for some light and support..

but i could see,

neither my source nor my vector..

and the only ears to receive me,

are those of mine..

i turn back and start walking..

cos' the end of my journey,

is not the end of my road,

but that of hope..

and i keep walking,

unfocussed and uncanny..

disturbed yet determined..

indifferent but not inhuman..

cos' i can never be judged by material minds and ambitious hearts..

i keep walking. . . . . .

THE BETTER WAY..

In the journey of life, we get to know about countless number of people, persons with different faces,minds and ways..

and..we share moments and memories, smiles and hi5's, friendship and feelings, etc. with those whom we like..

but there are people whom we find bad.. and i think it is better to keep away from them.. even if they keep interferring in our ways, instead of criticising them outwardly,it is a lot better to ignore their ways.

cos' if there is a problem with someone's attitude and thoughts, the best to do is to be with the ones whose attitudes are likeable enough rather than forcing them to change or criticising them in public.. and this is what we expect from others actually..
also.. maintaining self-discipline is more important than working on a second-person's ways..

well..this writing is just the effect of a "cold" talk which i witnessed among some people today.. :)

seems crazzy! !

sometimes, it is difficult to control laughter when watching or hearing something funny and comical, even when one is in bad mood or in some kind of serious situation.. well i cant..

i was in a not-so-good mood for the past few days and my health is not upto the mark due to commencement of college which increases the need for good relaxation and sleep..and i was waiting for this weekend so badly,with plans of good sleep and relaxation..so that i could be up for the next week..

but yesterday, my "relaxing" plan got busted when my mom told that i would be leaving to my native by sunday night and return home by tuesday morning(6-hour journey).. and also i have to attend a house-warming function on sunday morning.. adding to my health problems, travel fatigue and a no-break week.. i was so damn irritated.. :x :x

today morning, after attending the function, when we were on our way back home (didnt talk or laugh much and was in a bad temper, should say not-so-good temper as i was able to smile on seeing my cousins) when the auto stopped at a traffic signal, a cow walking on the road-side grazed past a man standing at a bus-stop and the man,without realizing that it was a buffalo,turned back and said "sorry"..

well..it was damn funny and few people who witnessed that,including that man, laughed..and i,who was maintaining a sulky look, burst out laughing..which made the auto-man wonder whether it was the hot sun that made me go nuts or something else (my family is used to my sudden and unreasonable laughter as i see many things crazy and funny which others might find indifferent)and he later enquired my mom about my laugh..

that's it.. not sure whether it was the "funniest moment" or the "funniest me".. :)

whatever it is,it helped.. wonder where my bad temper go.. :D :P

MAN!! AM STILL ALIVE. .

there are times when someone gets hurt because of the carelessness and mistake of someone else..

well this little shock happened to me yesterday (i.e. at 4pm of 13-12-08)when i was sitting in my college bus and waiting for the bus to start from college..i peeped my head outside through the window to see if there are any of my friends nearby to talk to..since i did not see any familiar face.. i planned to sit properly and listen music.. and when i was withdrawing myself from the window gap, the girl who was sitting infront of me opened her side window, closing mine..and she didnt notice me having my head outside..

well easy to picturize the moment rite?? thank goodness, i had my hands on it that the window got blocked..and i escaped with a scratch on the side of my hand and a light hit on the side of my head..

i didnt make it a big issue.. as always..the other said sorry and i smiled and told her to be cautious next time.. cant expect the others to be careful and caring on you all the time..

and anyways..even if that girl is not careful while opening the window next time, i am gonna be.. i just dont wanna scare the hell outta anyone.. that particular moment-fear keeps ringing and vibrating inside the head for some minutes..

quotes and proverbs about friendship have been written, scripted and framed,and are being cherished through times. but this act seems never-ending and every individual have their own thoughts and views about friendship which they cherish throughout their life..

this is mainly because of the influence it has in one's life and its power to add meaning and purpose to life..

now-a-days the act of categorizing friends, as best, good, close, special, hi-bye, etc. till boyfriend/girlfriend(this i dont understand the presence of the word 'friend' cos it is supposed to mean something different i guess), is common and each has its own characteristics..

this is not anything to be wronged about but..
i think(my view) that sometimes few tend to rule out the basic and simple,yet the important and actual, meaning of friendship when the views of their most-prioritized friendship gets deeper.. and sometimes many tend to forget the main purpose of friendship in their process of setting an example out of it, which is actually unnecessary..

well, i really cant think of any real-time examples of friendship but there is one which many know(which might be fictional or spiritual) which is the friendship between lord krishna and the devotee kuselan.. and the underlying factor of their friendship is the simple faith they had on each other..

and that's what friendship exactly means (to me), trusting each other and accepting them for what they are..

there are certain "mostly-forgotten" factors like, giving space for thoughts and views rather than influencing acts and decisions, sharing and respecting privacy at the same time rather than expecting everything to be shared, really understanding them rather than speaking dialogues,etc..
and things like expectations, possessiveness, doubts,etc dont account for the tag "evergreen-friendship-forever", though it might add to closeness it normally results in coldness and misunderstandings..

the feel of deep and intense friendship is really great and adding unnecessary complexities dosnt go well with the rhythm of friendship..

p.s. the above views are mine..and will ofcourse contradict with many.. just reading and knowing my thought is enough..no need to accept or oppose..
and also..preserve the uniqueness of friendship.. friendship rocks!! :)

issue "ZERO"!!

recently i read an article about an issue, the most desired and envied and the most talked about one, in the world of beauty,especially in the modelling world - size zero.

after a lengthy process of dieting (a word given for poor food habits) the physique with the proper height and features of a 20year old girl becomes similar to that of a 10year old.. :O

and attaining the size is not the ultimate goal.. maintaining it as long as they walk in that world as a successful professional is of ultimate importance.

the diet includes - those we hae usually during hangouts and as part-time snacks - coke and pizza in the morning, a glass of apple juice in the noon and a light dinner..which brings about fame and money anyone could imagine of,along with some guaranteed health risks anyone would run away hearin them..

now..some of the health problems include anaemia, nervous breakdown, mental weakness.. the main being a disorder called anoerexia - the complete drain of nutrients and energy and certain fears like putting weight and taking food even when hungry.. and worst cases leading to sudden death..

most of the countries like UK and US have banned this "size zero" modelling.. and all the health organizations of the world against this issue.. but the craze of being the centre of spotlight is never satisfactory even if blessed with the finest beauty..

there is always a great different between being weak and sleek and being fit and fine..

well.. many dont seem to realize the power and worth of living a life with healthy mind and body.. and admiration and appreciation can be experienced wholly only when we feel ourselves being fit and healthy, by body and mind..which is when we start loving our life and live and feel the worth of each moment of life.. :)

the feel of monotony..

there are these times when the feeling of emptiness gets inside my head..and this void feel is really bugging..
it has nothing to do with the daily schedule or activities. it is totally different..you may be doing different things in different places in altogether different environments but the internal environment in your head(or heart) is the same blank one..
it is based on how i really feel every second, regardless of what i am really doing, be it talking with people or watching tv or chatting online or etc..but the silence or blankness inside is the same and never-changing..
well..i am not sure whether it is due to boredom or difficulties in life..whether it is supposed to be positive or nogative or even neutral..and also what it feel really is..
null..void..blank..constant..isolation..empty..are the words for it..
by the way..what does the word "it" specify throughout the post???? :O :P

THE "UNREASONABLE" REASONS. .

"there are reasons behind everything that happens;

and there must be reasons behind every actions of ours".

universal thought i suppose. but i got to know of a better than the best "thought-replacement" for the latter part when i attended a workshop(kind of personality development) where they said that we must not underline our actions/decisions with reasons..

might sound a bit weird; but it sure includes a more practical concept rather than a philosophical one..

reasons are not always global;most of them are user-defined; hence the actions based upon these reasons might not result in the pre-planned way, which leads to disappointment and discouragement..

earlier i used to think that hostel life was more fun and lot cooler [before my hostel life ofcourse ;)] and i had my reasons.

few were: 1. free from mom's scoldings

2. end of curfew rules

3. a feel of responsibility,doing all the maintenance works on my own.. and many more..

but when my hostel life started, things were different..

1. it is really difficult to get used to scoldings and advices from strangers..unless they are from parents

2.responsibility..huh!! leave me out of this one; and maintenance..god!!one hell my room was.

3.and finally..rules everywhere and in everything..

thus,all my reasons came crashing down.. and all i did was to grit my teeth when faced with the damned rules, group moans and complaints and weekend escapes to gran's place..

not a memorable experience..

but some of my friends are really fine with hostel life even after two years..and that must be only because they considered hostel just as a boarding place to study, unlike me who had reasons for choosing hostel life among other alternatives..

just a real-time example..

to be without reasons has deeper reasons actually..

making decisions..just because u think it is the right way to do and not for some existing facts..

liking someone and being friends..just because u choose to do and not for any other reasons..

there might be lot of reasons to cry, to fight, to misunderstand, to go to depressions, etc.. but instead..

why dont we just smile, understand and accept, feel positive, and spread peace and happiness..without a single reason..

sounds heavenly..rite!! without any reasons. . :)

the LIFE of life..

cant imagine a life without this..

the moment i wake up 4m sleep, i could hear the melodies of thiruvasagam or some othr devotional songs..during the bus travel,both to and from coll,music from mobile or fm s played all thro' the way..though usage of mobile and other such electronic goods s banned whithin the college campus, music cannot b done so..i could hear my friends singing n a low voice or me myself humming[singing??? not me!!..lol:)] sum tunes..and most of the time sum song or the othr wud b played inside my mind[ya rite...must b related to sum music genius of the world ;)]..and back at home,my mp3 player does the job..

wel..ths happens n almost evryone's life..music occupies such a gr8 part n our lifetime tht we might not even realise t since t s present all thro'out our journey of life..

ts uniqueness lies n the way t connects to our feelings, thoughts and moods(be t happy or a sad one)..and adds energy and spirit to the day..

above all..music s the main factor tht gives identity to humans wit heart among othr "non-"&"un-"living beings.. the admiration and love for music s the key tht links all the people of the world and gives the healthy feel to live, love and stay united.. :)

lost chances..

one of the most difficult things lies n identifying one's talents or skills within,unless the parents make their children to focus on something..

my parents too did tht but n a strange way..i was made to join n almost all the classes.. music, dance, karate, veena, art&crafts, yoga, swimming,etc..(thts t i think)..but nevr completed or qualified any of these..just got stranded up between the class schedules tht i din stop and realize wat was meant for me..

at present..the special talents or areas of interests s still being a blank space.. mayb i wud hav done better f i had taken efforts to learn all of them wen i had the chance..

now..i sketch sumtimes..i love sketchin especially wen i get the right mood..scenaries cums much better than faces(sumhow cant draw the eyes nd nose)..

and i do swimming pretty gud f the water level s around 6ft (mayb i wud do my best swimming wen sinking n a deep sea or chased by a shark..lol)..

i still suck n classical dance..wel not my mistake..i wanted to learn western dance..i still love dancing(not classical ofcourse) and wanna b a professional n t..hmmm one of my incomplete dreams(until my family allows me to join n those classes)..

ths s y the elders say..make use of the oppurtunities wen they cum..cos u ll regret t later f u miss t..

huh..i still cudn identify them until i hav missed the oppurtunities..

the right slap!!

this happened wen i was n my 2nd standard..during the annual examination time..
from the start of my schooling i hav ths study sessions at home during exam times..my parents r pretty strict about studies..they wont force me to study daily but during exams t was not like tht..got to finish the portions within the specified time..
wel..i was doing ths detail type of answer(just 5 lines) for the tamil exam next day..i was trying my best to get t into my head but i jus cudn do t..so i planned to escape 4m ths..
i pretended to sleep on my table so tht mom wud tel me to go to bed..
instead i got a tight sound slap..
10mins later, i was n my bed..finished and revisied the answer properly..
on tht day..i understood one thing..no compromise on studies..
am not the studious person..always the topper of the class..
but during exams i manage to study enough tht wud get me sum average-to-above average marks..and ths credit totally goes to tht slap and my mom who gav tht..

the predefined rules of life..

wat makes everyone's life unique???

ofcourse.. it is because of the person's view of life and attitude towards it that makes them face so many different situations and acquire wide range of experiences consequently.. and experiences r not jus mistakes and lessons..t s the main factor that builds up the character and focusses the thoughts..

and..wen u keep ur mind open n those moments,be t gud or bad..u learn a lot of things tht cudnt be taught by any of the renowned books or workshops.. thts wat life s all about..learn and live..

i ll mention sum of my past nd present experiences..t may not b exciting or important or sumthing gr8 nd adventurous.. but still..these r the ones tht made me and still making me a person i am now..