November 10, 2010


     Sitting alone, with tom 'nd Jerry running around the corners of my bed, i look outside the window. Dark and silent, Moon peeking from behind a cloud, light drizzles supposedly waiting for me to show my face, Things are the same on the surface. Just me, silence, rain, clouds, moon, music, my pen and journal, all under the same sky.


     But through the lenses, the knits and ties of the pattern have changed, rather should say, Re-done.

     Forget the new-place-new-people storyline, i could feel a new-ness in myself, the perspective towards things.

     Knowing my history of hostel-escapades and home-sickness, many were quite sure that i would make a show at home or relative's place on the first weekend itself. But i suppose that one cannot say that they learnt something from life unless they act accordingly.

     Well, this time i didn't step onto the new phase with expectations.

     I knew that any dreams of any kind from my side would eventually lead to a crash of the whole journey, Not that Life would be super-smooth when i don't build clouds of how Life would go, but those dreams create a friction in my acceptance range of whatever Life comes up with.

     I had found the initial stage of my college life difficult, only cos' of the expectations i had from the same. 
     Before even i had a first vision of how my college and hostel look, i had constructed an entire picture of the four-year life, with dreams of independence in away-from-life, getting the sweetest and coolest friends on Earth, Joy and smiles filling up the days, etc. The dream happened, but after couple of years. Hence the mess during the initial steps, i couldn't be able to tolerate the slightest deviation from my fiction. The worse part was that i couldn't differentiate the reality from dreams, and half of the time i was living in some world. A hell lot of mess that was, complete credits to myself and my super-imaginative mind. 

     But things have changed. :-)

     The funniest thing is the Positivity that evolved from my Lost-Hope. I am seriously tired of getting my bigger dreams getting broken, which unfortunately doesn't stop me from dreaming, but i stopped basing my Life entirely on those dreams. 

     I would have been in a different scenario if i had followed my dreams, but i had been too scared and doubtful to do that. All i know is that i may not earn much or reach professional heights if i had gone behind my dreams, but would have mastered my career and would have been peaceful and happy.

     But the time has come to stop thinking about what would have happened. I am in a place which i have earned, inspite of it not being in the elite-dream-list, after putting up a fight and breaking the barriers.

     It is my Life now, to the core. When i stepped into this phase, i vowed to myself that whatever happens and however worse it is, i should neither complain nor regret and accept it with a strong mind.

     Well, there has been few ups and downs till date, but i am fine. Life has always more to do with, than the present ways, be it good or bad.

     There are few things that i have earned and learned in life, that i am proud of myself, Like the ability to admire simple beautiful elements, relish natural joys and fall in love with genuine souls.
And there are things that i hold close to heart that could make me keep going on in life with a confident smile of a blind hope, like my mom, my Best friend Jo, My close friends, music, photography, writing, my thoughts and dreams, rain, etc.

     On a finishing note, 

Well, things may get screwed up and at times,life may seem to go unfocussed and vague, and you may feel like walking in a dark maze, 
     But trust your heart and mind, Let the light within your eyes lead you.

     Life ends, only when we give up. Find the joy and beauty in small things around you and illuminate the days with your smile.

     Rather than walking in life, Walk hand-in-hand with Life. :-)


September 18, 2010


     A few days back, i was G-chatting with this new e-friend of mine. 
     She said that i have a cute name, to which i made a partial-modest reply. Yes, Partial-modest. 
I don't think i am modest but then, i have been hearing a lot of stop-being-modest comments lately that i am consciously trying to keep off the modest part, and ultimately ending up giving a partial-diplomatic, partial-humble and partial-funny reply. Anyways, that's not the subject. 
     I replied her, "My name sounds cute alright, but that's just my nicky" and told her my complete proper name, Vinithra.
     She was like, Ohhhh...(A long thoughtful one) Nice name (after a long thought, but not fully satisfied with the word 'nice'). Mmmm, Different actually (Finally, coming to a conclusion). 
     But she seemed to start liking my name. (God Promise, i didn't publicize or colorize the font) 
     She said in a dreamy tone, "Wish i had that name. There are two margarets in my class itself. Not an issue but it would be nice to stand up uniquely to your name call". I just told her that names don't make a big difference and that she has a sweet name and that i was glad that she liked my name.

     Uh.. Oh. Wait a minute. Did i say that names don't matter much? 

     There have been many times where i picture myself with different names, Countless wishes of having a different name. But i don't mind sharing my name with someone, who knows, We might be sharing some common interests too and we might become great friends through our same-name-factor.

     Mine is not a totally common name. Just that you don't get to hear much, And obviously totally new to English people.
     There are few things that hold me back from falling in love with my name. 
A big con. BIG CON. It starts with V.
(I could sense your angry look).

     Well, As a school-going kid. I wished badly and daily to have a name that starts with A, So that i get to stand as the first person in a queue while going on local trips to museum and library, the first name in attendance and get called first everytime, the first name for the teachers and students to remember through everyday attendance-calls, first to take the first post as class monitor, or first to take up some responsibility on first day of school, or to get to sit on the first bench, or. . . 
Yeah, the usual school kid's thrills. 
     The A-wish went on for a while, till my high-schooling i suppose.
     But Name-wish continued.

     My name is actually one of the many names of Goddess Saraswati, Indian God of Knowledge. Kinda proud of that. Ignoring that, well there are names which makes people to say wow-sweet-name genuinely, without the courtesy-force of passing the same compliment.
There are names that sound powerful and cool and enticing, and names that are lovable and cute. 

     Sometime back, i remember that i was wishing for a name, the person being cute and loved by all her friends, And who attracted the attention of someone close-to-heart, the small possessiveness factor.

     But when i think about it, And a lot of After-thoughts through years,

     My friends like my name, or rather i think it is because it is mine. I don't think that it would matter much to them even if i had any of the names i wished for, and nothing would have changed much, except for the way they would have nick-named me. 
     Moreover, except for the way i would have felt about my name, no other difference i would have seen.
     Afterall, names that have a meaning, color, tone, flavour or a history behind, not necessarily would add meaning to life. 

     Maybe, when we create history our names would get added to the ELITE list.

     One of my close friends from college said that she found my name different and new when she heard it first, but now the common names that sound like mine seem new to her. L-O-L! 
Only a step difference in taking a liking for you, the instant when your name is said and the moment immediately after that instant. 

     The whole post may sound new to you (Like my name), or something that you heard from someone or felt yourself long back, but sure got my thinking-s. 
     Well, I may or may not be completely convinced, but i kinda like my name, no issues. 
     All the same, the admiration for names continue. . . . 

     Some of the names that made me go WOW! 

     - Pooja, Heera, Henna, Sanjana, Jiah, Sarah, Samantha, Hannah, Ann, Sheena, Joanne, Catherine, . . . . 
And many Shakespearean names like Viola, Ariel, Miranda, Celia, Adriana, Helena,. . . (No, Not Juliet, Never a fan of Tragedy, Especially a romantic tragedy)
And Mythical ones like Ariel, Heidi, Cindrella, Aurora, Marigold,. . . . . . .

     So, Ever felt not-so-fine with your name and wished or got ideas to change it? had any name crushes? Name a name or two that attracted you and got your liking instantly?


September 10, 2010


#1: I was registering myself in just another networking site, same forms and same info.
“Single, OR Engaged, OR Married, OR In-a-relationship, OR It-is-complicated” and without even giving a thought I ticked the box next to “Single”.

#2: I have a tee that has this unquoted quote written on it, “I am not Single, I am just ROMANTICALLY CHALLENGED!”
It may sound as simple as that when filling up forms or getting quoted tee-shirts or tweeting about happy-single-lives, but when it comes to life, even the smallest of the trifles are given life to, and adds a new perspective.  


     Well, This happens to be my second guest post, but first published one. The subject of relationship is something out-of-the-box for me, But the key rule is to deliver what is asked. 

     I may not be a Love guru, But if there is one thing that i know and believe about love is the line in the Google image, 

     See ya soon, with yet another context. .


September 8, 2010


     When i was doing my usual browsing, i came across this site.

     My goal was to publish something (anything, anywhere) before I died. I collected only massive piles of rejection notes for years. I cannot explain exactly why I had the confidence to be sending off my short stories at the age of 19 to, say, The New Yorker, or why it did not destroy me when I was inevitably rejected. I sort of figured I’d be rejected. But I also thought: “Hey – somebody has to write all those stories: why not me?” I didn’t love being rejected, but my expectations were low and my patience was high. 
     It has never been easy for me to understand why people work so hard to create something beautiful, but then refuse to share it with anyone, for fear of criticism. Wasn’t that the point of the creation – to communicate something to the world? So PUT IT OUT THERE. 
     As for discipline – it’s important, but sort of over-rated. The more important virtue for a writer, I believe, is self-forgiveness. Because your writing will always disappoint you. Your laziness will always disappoint you. You will make vows: “I’m going to write for an hour every day,” and then you won’t do it. You will think: “I suck, I’m such a failure. I’m washed-up.” The other thing to realize is that all writers think they suck. When I was writing “Eat, Pray, Love”, I had just as a strong a mantra of THIS SUCKS ringing through my head as anyone does when they write anything. But I had a clarion moment of truth during the process of that book. One day, when I was agonizing over how utterly bad my writing felt, I realized: “That’s actually not my problem.” 
     The point I realized was this – I never promised the universe that I would write brilliantly; I only promised the universe that I would write. So I put my head down and sweated through it, as per my vows.
I recommend you to read the complete page. Who knows, you might add to your favourites too.

     You would have probably guessed by now the voice behind the lines, none other than the author of the life book "Eat, Pray, Love", Elizabeth Gilbert. 
     Though i couldn't and i don't call myself as a writer, I have always been fond of writing, felt a relief and solace in writing down and considered my journal as my soulmate that neither criticises back nor weigh the worth of my words. 
     Also, even after choosing to walk on the path of bytes, codes and BUGS (technically), i have this dream, a focussed fixed and realistic one, of writing a book. It may not be the bestseller or a booker-prize winner, but it will do a good read and atleast a handfull of hearts would enjoy it.

     I feel so lucky to have stumbled by her site. Her thoughts on writing gives me a real push behind me, urging me to keep walking and working on my writing intentions. More than just reading the article, i rather could hear her talking to me through it. 

     I had confided to very few about my dream of BOOK-Marking, for which i had received some sarcastic stares and sweet but not-so-serious pats-on-my-back, more than real motivations.

     But you know what, Sometimes you do get signs from some force in this universe that would indicate that you are walking in the right path and remind you of your forgotten wishes and lost hopes. (Call this destiny, philosophy or unfounded belief) 

     I should say that the minute i read her words, i added her to the golden list, the second name of the list, a list which i would hold close to heart till my passion for life gets lost in the dreary desert of life with troubled sands. The first name being my aunt's, who, without having read even a single story or scribbling in my journal, gifts me with notebooks.
     I can't wait to read her book "Eat, Pray, Love" before i watch the movie. No e-books, No borrowing. Wanna buy and feel the hard-cover and read.

     Sharpening my pencil and turning to the white page that has been waiting to carry a small part of my dreams, i continue my unstoppable and lovable journey.

     Gimme a hi-5 if there is anyone out there who is waiting for a star to cross the window to make a wish of writing a plot, be it fiction, non-fiction, romance or a bed-time story. :-)


August 26, 2010


     Yeah rite. As the title says, I AM SAD, I AM BAD and I AM MAD.
     This post is a spontaneous one, un-planned and un-organised. Probably, more vague and forlorn as i am just venting out. So don't expect some well-framed beautiful phrases and words, cos' am in a sad, bad and mad mood that it is well gonna be short and silly and full of errors. Well, not my mistake. My temper doesn't know grammar.

     Let me just let it out short.


     My bestie is leaving the country for her higher studies.
     Friends, countless in number and still expanding into a larger network. I admit that there are many in my life who are pinned with the tag of friendship. Also, i can very well say, with happiness and a little pride, that i am and can be a good friend.
     But then, there is only one with whom you can feel the complete compatibility. The one that cannot be replaced with infinite number of people.

     I believe strongly that Friendship is something wherein one, instead of influencing and changing one's life, should rather accept the person as they are.

     I have awesome great friends. But my best friend is someone with whom the above principle of friendship do not apply, or rather i should say that it has no use. There is nothing to be understood and accepted, cos' she is like a twin soul to me.

The best thing is that i met the BEST FRIEND with whom i feel so much connected.
The bad thing is that the meeting got delayed.
The worst thing is that she is soon going to a distant place for her masters.

     Well, i know that life has to keep going on and there are lot of ways to stay in contact and friends are made forever and it is the impossible to break this perfect friendship and also i am happy for her next phase.
     But there are certain things that our mind knows which our heart doesn't accept.
Hence, I am feeling sad!


     Call it over-confidence or attitude or self-pride but It actually sounds funny when i describe myself as bad.
     Anyways, the thing is that yesterday mom asked me the details of the transactions and withdrawals from my account during the last month.

     I am sometimes stupidly hyper-sensitive about few things and tend to react in a stupid way. Finances are one of them. 

     Once dad complained that i should ask him for money directly if i am in need, for which my sensitivity got enabled and i stopped asking him for anything, except for signature in application forms. 

     Leos are independent souls and do not depend on anyone for anything. It might sound weak but then i am that, a strong leo. 

     Four years back, mom commented that i am over-using the credit card, and from then on, she stresses me to use it well cos' of my reduction, absence sometimes, of the use of card.
Too sensitive. Yeah that's me.
     After her much reluctant and cautiously framed inquiry, my temper shot up and was fuming with anger on the mis-trust and baseless assumption of wasting away the funds.

     Huh, there is this person who knows that i don't like dependence and provides me with the resources without my asking, yet i get angry with very few simple questions that ought to be told.

     How could i be so bad!

     I am waiting for the past two months for my call from the company about the joining date. 
It is so irritating to spend days with no work at all and while away time lazily.

     I love free times and holidays, but only if they are properly spaced between work. 
     This long, seemingly-unending empty days of vacation are so maddening that i either keep thinking about silly issues and worry without reasons, or paint the whole present with negativity.

     The maddening part of the madness is that i think of something and i contradict myself.

     Huh, I wanna think clear! Refine and focus the wandering thought-flow! Duh! Soo mad!

          Phew. . If you have scrolled all the way down through my frustrations, i really appreciate it. :-)

     The real post that i have worked out but incomplete, is currently sleeping with two other drafts. I will be completing soon hopefully. 
     These feel-bad disturbances just make me so dead tired!
     Let's see how things proceed.
     See ya soon, with better reasons and positive goods!

August 20, 2010


"Look here she is. You should learn to be like her. Ask her how she studied and what she does in her free-time."
Two of my aunts, along with my mom, were pointing out to me and telling a kid cousin of mine.

     I was standing there and was
- Proud. Happy. Cool. Confident. King. Wow.
     Err. Wait. This was not the feel. Let's rewind a bit.

     I was standing there and was, well looking totally blank, with only one thing running on my mind, "Oh God, Not this. :-("

     The scenario took me some years backward, where i had been at similar scenes, but not as the indexed-model.

     Let me tell you a short story about a kid girl, who just had her knowledge of understanding things illuminated.
     Though she excelled well in academics and learnt and performed various arts, and however talented and top favourited, she was constantly put under comparisons and degrading comments by few people close to her. "You should be like A (Why names, when they are not the main characters)", "Learn from B", "You should follow the steps of C" and many such lines are what she heard on a daily basis.
     Did she mind? Nah, Not much. All she made out from the repeated lines was that she was no good when compared to A, B and C. And moreover, she was too young to recognize and be aware of the ill-effects of such comments that were gonna make a bigger impact in future.
     The worst turn that could happen then was her being sent to a new place and admitted in a new school and asked to reside with A, B and C.
     And to top it all, it was the start of her teenage, the age when the personality and character of a person goes through tests and modulations and changes.
     Well, nothing bad or seriously hard did happen, but then she had been already inflicted with the worse.
     Whatever that had happened, however silly it had been, whoever had done it for fun and wherever it had gotten into, she took the wrong side of things, felt depressed and dejected, made things worse for herself and ended up killing every single remaining spirit within her and never once let the frustrations out.
     All she felt for herself were low self-esteem, isolation and abstraction and depression.
     All she had for others were ego, jealousy and hatred. She felt her own self into pieces.

     Well, she went through a tough time and through a series of realizations and acceptance, before she became a much better person.

     Back to the starting point,
I don't understand why many parents and many others want their children to be a photocopy of some other successful person, without having even a glance at the uniqueness and potential both as a person living a wonder and as an artist with a different love and choice for colors making a masterpiece.

     They may not know the real impact of "comparisons" nor they would accept the existence of such an issue. 

     There is neither a solution to the wide-spread abstract issue, nor do i possess a power with which i could swish my wand and change the mentality of the people inflicting innocent kids or the negativity of the affected kids.

     Well, my aunt asked me to talk and "advise" my kid cousin. So they asked and so will they get.
     I called the kid aside and told her that she is an equally good person as me or anyone else and asked her to have a dream and work hard for it in her own way and feel the pleasure. After-all it is not the destination that gives meaning to life, but the journey that adds the color and flavour to life.

     Now for the suggestion. . . No, advice. . Rather, a request. . Or further more, An order . . Nah, Let's term it as a MISSION!
     You may not be the causal factor of such an issue, as i feel my readers are people who value individuality, but you can very well have a good hand in the effect of it.
     If you witness such a scene where you see a kid being degraded or criticised, Just tell the kid how much the world needs her own unique light by her own ways.
     You may also talk to the seniors about it, not letting themselves and others influence their wonderful kids.

     Well, As you would have easily guessed, it is obvious that the little girl in the story above is ME.
I narrated as third person, cos'. . No, Not cos' wanting to jump from behind you and shout "Boo! It's me!" and giving you a surprise. . . i could relate the character only to the person whom i had been before, not who am i now. I won't say that i had been a mess before, i would rather say that i am now a better person and will be a much better person.
I will pen down later about me becoming the architect, building myself at every step. But for now,

     Let's develop the positivity in air and pass it on to the world by joining hands!



August 15, 2010


     Birthday - The day when you find and feel every single element of your existence special.

     I very well remember that special feel. Huh! Did i say "remember"? Now the Storyline can be guessed correctly.

     My 20 birthdays were more than perfect. Frilly fairy frocks and lovely apparels, new shoes and shiny accessories, Big chocolate (My favie) Cake, gold crepe wrapped and ribbon tied gifts, Chocolates, Yummy items, Evening parties, Rainbow colors, Sunshines, Brightness, Smiles, Joy and happiness.

     And these cute things define, represent and mean the concept of Birthday to my eyes.
     I held these close to my heart, see to it that these fill my day, consider these as the top prioritized ones, made myself special and also made sure that everyone see me special on my day, which resulted in the day becoming the best in the year of the world.

     Until the transition happened.
     Sometimes, life presents us with difficult choices. One such is the choice between joy and truth.
Joy of coloring a single day with vibrant colors and truth of remaining days under grey scale.

     Birthday is the one day that stands for the year of life.
     Does that mean that one day spread the radiance for every other day of the year?
     Should i live the remaining 364/5 days under the memory of a single best day?

     Then, formed a new and a more meaningful context for birthdays - The day when An Awesome worth-living purposeful year of life, is self-appreciated by raising a toast for the value of our existence in this world.

     When our lives are greatly valued by ourselves, by our contributions to our life as well as to the world, we feel the worth of living. And we can feel the real celebrations on our birthdays.

     I would rather buy myself a Cindrella frock along with a little girl who has been dreaming of a piece of cloth for years. I will have a candle-lit dinner along with those who work with heart and soul without knowing their next-meal existence for certain. I will lit a candle in my cake whenever the light could illuminate some part of someone's journey. Hence making every day of the year as MY-OWN-DAY!

     I am over-whelmed by the wishes and prayers that i received for my life on my day. With that as my light and hold in life, A long path has been laid. 

     If i am asked to describe myself with a single word, my reply would be DREAMER.
And, Dreamers are supposed to be PASSIONATE ACHIEVERS and not just fictional contributors.

     Why celebrate a day for oneself, when one can celebrate every single day with the whole world. .

Lighting my birthday candles with smiles of the world.