THE CONJECTURE ON PURPOSE OF SURVIVAL.

I would have planned a million things, tried a billion ways and failed a zillion times, all before something that was considered to be illogical would decide the direction in which i should walk further in life.

Well, don't bother asking me if i feel like a clown dancing to the wrong tunes. Cos' I don't.

The real challenge lies in walking on the unplanned path, with your head held high and eyes appreciating the beauty around.

Life doesn't actually stop when you trip down. It may slow down a bit, but does not stop. However it does, when you stop moving.

I have got so much used to MOVING ON in Life, that those who are finding it difficult and those who have a constancy and normalcy in life have started to criticise me of being abnormal and rude, disrespectful as I don't give the due respect to the issue in concern.

Funny. When people ever gonna respect the concept of Destiny. Or for the Practical minds, Self-Made Choices.

A VIRTUAL RELAPSE.

You know, what it really means to be detached?

I have deactivated my facebook account. Unplugged a source that had the lights of bonds keep going on.

Now the power is gone, the color of lights do not seem to matter much and my eyes are getting accustomed to the dark. A Nice Feel.

Nobody really cares how we feel. It is all about how others perceive how we feel.

The times when people really wanted to keep in touch with colleagues and friends and grow their networks, both professionally and socially, isn't much obvious in this social network.

The present has seen this virtual network grow so big, all on the basis of mediocre human nature, that has brought the real purpose of networking.

Well For instance, How many of us do think about the number of likes and comments every day?

The number of "shares" for what we shared.

The size of our friend list.

The exploration of private lives of people and their relationships.

Well, most of us do. And It is quite normal. We want people to look up on us.

The survival of humanity exists in the mutual acknowledgments between fellow minds.

We wish to be recognized and we desire to be appreciated.

In this process, we also actually lose the touch with ourselves, forget to think worthy of self and the genuineness of our own thoughts that are actually invaluable.

I am well aware of some voices of disagreements, from my own mind as well as echoes from around. But then, Basic rule - Perceptions differ.

I am not generalizing my opinion. All the same, I have suspended mine , cos' I saw myself getting lost in the virtual intricacies, becoming more conscious on what I say, more concerned on the responses.

I was pretending to be happy, when I was in reality facing a dead end. 

Not the least, I saw my personal space invaded.

This is it.

If I have to rule a kingdom, I dare rule it my way.

I love it this way. This detachment from the struggle for existence in the virtual world. A kind of Rehab. 

Feel Good. :-)

However, I would be back FB-ing.

But for now,   

    Feels Good. :-)

A SHORT THERAPY TO THE JUDGEMENTAL ME.

I CAN HEAR YOU!

I do hear your booming voice. Yes, YOU! 

You keep going on and on, that I'm just unable to concentrate. Yet, you seem to be immune to my criticisms.

You sit there with legs crossed and a commanding authority of a dictator, and once I seem to have a slight doubt on my own belief, which you get to know as always, you make your entry then and change my mind over.

You have influenced me so much, all with inferences of my broken bonds with people, many who would have earned my respect and vice versa. Had it not been for you, I need not feel the guilt while meetimg their eyes. And to think that I have been approaching you with a respect for opinions, listening patiently to all of your incessant preaching, should add "baseless".

I am not denying that you have been right few times, but then it is high time.

Even now, you are very well aware of my cold stare for you whenever you walk-talk alongside, and further i have shown a cold shoulder and have shut the door right on your face, you don't seem to exhibit any feelings of remorse nor have turned a new leaf. I could still hear your constant saintly dominating opinions.

But all the same, do realize that I have tuned my heart to stay deaf to your noise. So it is in my best of "thoughts" to ask you to Shut Up! before you lose your voice. And try to get some patience and humility, will do you some good.

After all, It is you who taught me nobody could be perfect, My dear Judge-mental mind.

I AM HARD-CORE SPIRITUAL. MANY LIVES, MANY MASTERS. A REVIEW and AN EXPERIENCE.

One Complete week with the book, which left me with so many questions as well as many answers.

All the while, from the start till the end, reading the book, I was clouded by the thought whether I should have my Faith On or not.

I Believe in God, more like a Super Power who directs our Lives, no particular choices or religions. I am Firm in my own beliefs of Spirituality, which had been under the disdain of some on many grounds of Practicality of World.

Seriously, What is characterised as "Practical"? That which happens in Present, Right in front of our Eyes, which is bound to have Evidence and exist as a common Belief? Not exactly so. Many are actually dreading to think beyond the Horizons owing to this misconception, and have given the terms for the as "far-fetched" and "illogical".

All the same, Reincarnation though I might have had ideas about it to be true but then when presented with proofs, I am having mixed thoughts.

As the Author says, Life would become much Simpler if we just Believe in the Things that has been Said in the Book. However, Believing Things just to make Life easier as a way of absconding from everyday Trifles doesn't sound Right.

I Believe that one has to Learn things in One's own way. I'm not rejecting the concept altogether, I'm just making a Promise to the Masters, Guardian Spirits and to myself that if not Now, within this Lifetime, I ll keep my Mind Open and Learn as much as I can.

The Book, A complete Spiritual Guide, a Good Read and a True Medicine for those facing Dead Ends, Though I must warn beforehand that If sarcasm and narrow thinking be your hold then keep it to yourself cos' Your own Trust, not this Book, is the Key always to unlock your Mind.

And If you plan to start with the book, then be open to the views and be inspired of the thoughts along the spiritual journey.

I can assure you that the enlightening thoughts penned down in the book will be a Torch during the Dark tunnel phases of Life.

As for me, I might give a re-read after certain span of time. Belief and Faith, on whatever be it, takes Time and Maturity to become firm and Stable. Balance can be attained only through Trust, Sensibility and Knowledge.

"By Knowledge, We Reach God." - Brian Weiss, Many Lives Many Masters.

Incidently, World's a Stage.

     Sometimes, We never want to face the harsh reality, and so we choose to be blind, We prefer to stay in darkness and we firmly believe the illusion of Darkness being the normal way.

     We don't want to see the Truth, We act, along with the "atmosphere", that Everything is fine.

     We laugh and talk casually, though all along and deep inside our Hearts, We know and feel that something is not Right. Something is really missing.

     Mis-managed.

     We build a sand castle for hours. Though we are aware of the Truth that if we go back to our little castle, there is high probability that it won't exist. This makes us to avoid going back, keeps us from turning back to catch a glimpse of our small work. All we do is to keep walking on, with the beautiful picture of our possession in mind and a firm belief that things are still the same.


     Life. . . .


     We know, Things don't stay the same way we left.  We could guess the ingenuity of words, We could see the True faces behind the masks, And we do feel the Discomfort in an artificially constructed scene.
     And Us. . . We do not want to disturb the calm, though improper, Waters. We are scared of the Truth, And the Fear of Harsh Reality weighs more than the Friction of Falseness. 


     And we just do, what seems to be the Best-for-all choice. . .


     We ignore the taunts of our inner-sense, and With an indifferent and tired smile, We put on our own Masks and carry on with our Act.


      Cos', Ultimately, The Play has to go on. .

IN LOVE. . . WITH LIFE. . :-) WALKING HAND-IN-HAND WITH LIFE.

     Sitting alone, with tom 'nd Jerry running around the corners of my bed, i look outside the window. Dark and silent, Moon peeking from behind a cloud, light drizzles supposedly waiting for me to show my face, Things are the same on the surface. Just me, silence, rain, clouds, moon, music, my pen and journal, all under the same sky.

NOTE: MY PHOTOGRAPHY. :-)

     But through the lenses, the knits and ties of the pattern have changed, rather should say, Re-done.

     Forget the new-place-new-people storyline, i could feel a new-ness in myself, the perspective towards things.

     Knowing my history of hostel-escapades and home-sickness, many were quite sure that i would make a show at home or relative's place on the first weekend itself. But i suppose that one cannot say that they learnt something from life unless they act accordingly.

     Well, this time i didn't step onto the new phase with expectations.

     I knew that any dreams of any kind from my side would eventually lead to a crash of the whole journey, Not that Life would be super-smooth when i don't build clouds of how Life would go, but those dreams create a friction in my acceptance range of whatever Life comes up with.

     I had found the initial stage of my college life difficult, only cos' of the expectations i had from the same. 

     Before even i had a first vision of how my college and hostel look, i had constructed an entire picture of the four-year life, with dreams of independence in away-from-life, getting the sweetest and coolest friends on Earth, Joy and smiles filling up the days, etc. The dream happened, but after couple of years. Hence the mess during the initial steps, i couldn't be able to tolerate the slightest deviation from my fiction. The worse part was that i couldn't differentiate the reality from dreams, and half of the time i was living in some world. A hell lot of mess that was, complete credits to myself and my super-imaginative mind. 

     But things have changed. :-)


     The funniest thing is the Positivity that evolved from my Lost-Hope. I am seriously tired of getting my bigger dreams getting broken, which unfortunately doesn't stop me from dreaming, but i stopped basing my Life entirely on those dreams. 


     I would have been in a different scenario if i had followed my dreams, but i had been too scared and doubtful to do that. All i know is that i may not earn much or reach professional heights if i had gone behind my dreams, but would have mastered my career and would have been peaceful and happy.


     But the time has come to stop thinking about what would have happened. I am in a place which i have earned, inspite of it not being in the elite-dream-list, after putting up a fight and breaking the barriers.


     It is my Life now, to the core. When i stepped into this phase, i vowed to myself that whatever happens and however worse it is, i should neither complain nor regret and accept it with a strong mind.


     Well, there has been few ups and downs till date, but i am fine. Life has always more to do with, than the present ways, be it good or bad.

     There are few things that i have earned and learned in life, that i am proud of myself, Like the ability to admire simple beautiful elements, relish natural joys and fall in love with genuine souls.
And there are things that i hold close to heart that could make me keep going on in life with a confident smile of a blind hope, like my mom, my Best friend Jo, My close friends, music, photography, writing, my thoughts and dreams, rain, etc.

     On a finishing note, 


Well, things may get screwed up and at times,life may seem to go unfocussed and vague, and you may feel like walking in a dark maze, 
     But trust your heart and mind, Let the light within your eyes lead you.


     Life ends, only when we give up. Find the joy and beauty in small things around you and illuminate the days with your smile.


     Rather than walking in life, Walk hand-in-hand with Life. :-)
          

                                                        

THE NAME FANTASIES - MY NAME MEANS MEE. . .

     A few days back, i was G-chatting with this new e-friend of mine. 

     She said that i have a cute name, to which i made a partial-modest reply. Yes, Partial-modest. 

I don't think i am modest but then, i have been hearing a lot of stop-being-modest comments lately that i am consciously trying to keep off the modest part, and ultimately ending up giving a partial-diplomatic, partial-humble and partial-funny reply. Anyways, that's not the subject. 

     I replied her, "My name sounds cute alright, but that's just my nicky" and told her my complete proper name, Vinithra.

     She was like, Ohhhh...(A long thoughtful one) Nice name (after a long thought, but not fully satisfied with the word 'nice'). Mmmm, Different actually (Finally, coming to a conclusion). 

     But she seemed to start liking my name. (God Promise, i didn't publicize or colorize the font) 

     She said in a dreamy tone, "Wish i had that name. There are two margarets in my class itself. Not an issue but it would be nice to stand up uniquely to your name call". I just told her that names don't make a big difference and that she has a sweet name and that i was glad that she liked my name.

     Uh.. Oh. Wait a minute. Did i say that names don't matter much? 

     There have been many times where i picture myself with different names, Countless wishes of having a different name. But i don't mind sharing my name with someone, who knows, We might be sharing some common interests too and we might become great friends through our same-name-factor.

Anyways,

     Mine is not a totally common name. Just that you don't get to hear much, And obviously totally new to English people.

     There are few things that hold me back from falling in love with my name. 

A big con. BIG CON. It starts with V.

(I could sense your angry look).

     Well, As a school-going kid. I wished badly and daily to have a name that starts with A, So that i get to stand as the first person in a queue while going on local trips to museum and library, the first name in attendance and get called first everytime, the first name for the teachers and students to remember through everyday attendance-calls, first to take the first post as class monitor, or first to take up some responsibility on first day of school, or to get to sit on the first bench, or. . . 

Yeah, the usual school kid's thrills. 

     The A-wish went on for a while, till my high-schooling i suppose.

     But Name-wish continued.

     My name is actually one of the many names of Goddess Saraswati, Indian God of Knowledge. Kinda proud of that. Ignoring that, well there are names which makes people to say wow-sweet-name genuinely, without the courtesy-force of passing the same compliment.

There are names that sound powerful and cool and enticing, and names that are lovable and cute. 

     Sometime back, i remember that i was wishing for a name, the person being cute and loved by all her friends, And who attracted the attention of someone close-to-heart, the small possessiveness factor.

     But when i think about it, And a lot of After-thoughts through years,

     My friends like my name, or rather i think it is because it is mine. I don't think that it would matter much to them even if i had any of the names i wished for, and nothing would have changed much, except for the way they would have nick-named me. 

     Moreover, except for the way i would have felt about my name, no other difference i would have seen.

     Afterall, names that have a meaning, color, tone, flavour or a history behind, not necessarily would add meaning to life. 

     Maybe, when we create history our names would get added to the ELITE list.

     One of my close friends from college said that she found my name different and new when she heard it first, but now the common names that sound like mine seem new to her. L-O-L! 

Only a step difference in taking a liking for you, the instant when your name is said and the moment immediately after that instant. 

     The whole post may sound new to you (Like my name), or something that you heard from someone or felt yourself long back, but sure got my thinking-s. 

     Well, I may or may not be completely convinced, but i kinda like my name, no issues. 

     All the same, the admiration for names continue. . . . 

     Some of the names that made me go WOW! 

     - Pooja, Heera, Henna, Sanjana, Jiah, Sarah, Samantha, Hannah, Ann, Sheena, Joanne, Catherine, . . . . 

And many Shakespearean names like Viola, Ariel, Miranda, Celia, Adriana, Helena,. . . (No, Not Juliet, Never a fan of Tragedy, Especially a romantic tragedy)

And Mythical ones like Ariel, Heidi, Cindrella, Aurora, Marigold,. . . . . . .

     So, Ever felt not-so-fine with your name and wished or got ideas to change it? had any name crushes? Name a name or two that attracted you and got your liking instantly?

                                                                   

THE LOVE OF LOVE - GUEST APPEARANCE AT THE "LADIES-ROOM"

#1: I was registering myself in just another networking site, same forms and same info.

“Single, OR Engaged, OR Married, OR In-a-relationship, OR It-is-complicated” and without even giving a thought I ticked the box next to “Single”.

#2: I have a tee that has this unquoted quote written on it, “I am not Single, I am just ROMANTICALLY CHALLENGED!”

It may sound as simple as that when filling up forms or getting quoted tee-shirts or tweeting about happy-single-lives, but when it comes to life, even the smallest of the trifles are given life to, and adds a new perspective.  

READ MORE. . . 

   

     Well, This happens to be my second guest post, but first published one. The subject of relationship is something out-of-the-box for me, But the key rule is to deliver what is asked. 

     I may not be a Love guru, But if there is one thing that i know and believe about love is the line in the Google image, 

     See ya soon, with yet another context. .

                                                                   

ME BEHIND A BOOK - LIVING A DREAM - INSPIRED BY ELIZABETH GILBERT.

     When i was doing my usual browsing, i came across this site.

     My goal was to publish something (anything, anywhere) before I died. I collected only massive piles of rejection notes for years. I cannot explain exactly why I had the confidence to be sending off my short stories at the age of 19 to, say, The New Yorker, or why it did not destroy me when I was inevitably rejected. I sort of figured I’d be rejected. But I also thought: “Hey – somebody has to write all those stories: why not me?” I didn’t love being rejected, but my expectations were low and my patience was high. 

     It has never been easy for me to understand why people work so hard to create something beautiful, but then refuse to share it with anyone, for fear of criticism. Wasn’t that the point of the creation – to communicate something to the world? So PUT IT OUT THERE. 

     As for discipline – it’s important, but sort of over-rated. The more important virtue for a writer, I believe, is self-forgiveness. Because your writing will always disappoint you. Your laziness will always disappoint you. You will make vows: “I’m going to write for an hour every day,” and then you won’t do it. You will think: “I suck, I’m such a failure. I’m washed-up.” The other thing to realize is that all writers think they suck. When I was writing “Eat, Pray, Love”, I had just as a strong a mantra of THIS SUCKS ringing through my head as anyone does when they write anything. But I had a clarion moment of truth during the process of that book. One day, when I was agonizing over how utterly bad my writing felt, I realized: “That’s actually not my problem.” 

     The point I realized was this – I never promised the universe that I would write brilliantly; I only promised the universe that I would write. So I put my head down and sweated through it, as per my vows.

Courtesy: www.elizabethgilbert.com/writing.htm 

I recommend you to read the complete page. Who knows, you might add to your favourites too.

     You would have probably guessed by now the voice behind the lines, none other than the author of the life book "Eat, Pray, Love", Elizabeth Gilbert. 

     

     Though i couldn't and i don't call myself as a writer, I have always been fond of writing, felt a relief and solace in writing down and considered my journal as my soulmate that neither criticises back nor weigh the worth of my words. 

     Also, even after choosing to walk on the path of bytes, codes and BUGS (technically), i have this dream, a focussed fixed and realistic one, of writing a book. It may not be the bestseller or a booker-prize winner, but it will do a good read and atleast a handfull of hearts would enjoy it.

     I feel so lucky to have stumbled by her site. Her thoughts on writing gives me a real push behind me, urging me to keep walking and working on my writing intentions. More than just reading the article, i rather could hear her talking to me through it. 

     I had confided to very few about my dream of BOOK-Marking, for which i had received some sarcastic stares and sweet but not-so-serious pats-on-my-back, more than real motivations.

     But you know what, Sometimes you do get signs from some force in this universe that would indicate that you are walking in the right path and remind you of your forgotten wishes and lost hopes. (Call this destiny, philosophy or unfounded belief) 

     I should say that the minute i read her words, i added her to the golden list, the second name of the list, a list which i would hold close to heart till my passion for life gets lost in the dreary desert of life with troubled sands. The first name being my aunt's, who, without having read even a single story or scribbling in my journal, gifts me with notebooks.

     I can't wait to read her book "Eat, Pray, Love" before i watch the movie. No e-books, No borrowing. Wanna buy and feel the hard-cover and read.

     Sharpening my pencil and turning to the white page that has been waiting to carry a small part of my dreams, i continue my unstoppable and lovable journey.

     Gimme a hi-5 if there is anyone out there who is waiting for a star to cross the window to make a wish of writing a plot, be it fiction, non-fiction, romance or a bed-time story. :-)

                                           

I AM SAD! BAD! MAD! :-|

     Yeah rite. As the title says, I AM SAD, I AM BAD and I AM MAD.

     This post is a spontaneous one, un-planned and un-organised. Probably, more vague and forlorn as i am just venting out. So don't expect some well-framed beautiful phrases and words, cos' am in a sad, bad and mad mood that it is well gonna be short and silly and full of errors. Well, not my mistake. My temper doesn't know grammar.

     Let me just let it out short.

SAD!

     My bestie is leaving the country for her higher studies.

     

     Friends, countless in number and still expanding into a larger network. I admit that there are many in my life who are pinned with the tag of friendship. Also, i can very well say, with happiness and a little pride, that i am and can be a good friend.

     But then, there is only one with whom you can feel the complete compatibility. The one that cannot be replaced with infinite number of people.

     I believe strongly that Friendship is something wherein one, instead of influencing and changing one's life, should rather accept the person as they are.

     I have awesome great friends. But my best friend is someone with whom the above principle of friendship do not apply, or rather i should say that it has no use. There is nothing to be understood and accepted, cos' she is like a twin soul to me.

The best thing is that i met the BEST FRIEND with whom i feel so much connected.

The bad thing is that the meeting got delayed.

The worst thing is that she is soon going to a distant place for her masters.

     Well, i know that life has to keep going on and there are lot of ways to stay in contact and friends are made forever and it is the impossible to break this perfect friendship and also i am happy for her next phase.

     But there are certain things that our mind knows which our heart doesn't accept.

Hence, I am feeling sad!

BAD!

     Call it over-confidence or attitude or self-pride but It actually sounds funny when i describe myself as bad.

     Anyways, the thing is that yesterday mom asked me the details of the transactions and withdrawals from my account during the last month.

     I am sometimes stupidly hyper-sensitive about few things and tend to react in a stupid way. Finances are one of them. 

     Once dad complained that i should ask him for money directly if i am in need, for which my sensitivity got enabled and i stopped asking him for anything, except for signature in application forms. 

     Leos are independent souls and do not depend on anyone for anything. It might sound weak but then i am that, a strong leo. 

     Four years back, mom commented that i am over-using the credit card, and from then on, she stresses me to use it well cos' of my reduction, absence sometimes, of the use of card.

Too sensitive. Yeah that's me.

     After her much reluctant and cautiously framed inquiry, my temper shot up and was fuming with anger on the mis-trust and baseless assumption of wasting away the funds.

     Huh, there is this person who knows that i don't like dependence and provides me with the resources without my asking, yet i get angry with very few simple questions that ought to be told.

     How could i be so bad!

MAD

     I am waiting for the past two months for my call from the company about the joining date. 

It is so irritating to spend days with no work at all and while away time lazily.

     I love free times and holidays, but only if they are properly spaced between work. 

     This long, seemingly-unending empty days of vacation are so maddening that i either keep thinking about silly issues and worry without reasons, or paint the whole present with negativity.

     The maddening part of the madness is that i think of something and i contradict myself.

     Huh, I wanna think clear! Refine and focus the wandering thought-flow! Duh! Soo mad!

          Phew. . If you have scrolled all the way down through my frustrations, i really appreciate it. :-)

     The real post that i have worked out but incomplete, is currently sleeping with two other drafts. I will be completing soon hopefully. 

     These feel-bad disturbances just make me so dead tired!

     Let's see how things proceed.

     

     See ya soon, with better reasons and positive goods!