November 10, 2010


     Sitting alone, with tom 'nd Jerry running around the corners of my bed, i look outside the window. Dark and silent, Moon peeking from behind a cloud, light drizzles supposedly waiting for me to show my face, Things are the same on the surface. Just me, silence, rain, clouds, moon, music, my pen and journal, all under the same sky.


     But through the lenses, the knits and ties of the pattern have changed, rather should say, Re-done.

     Forget the new-place-new-people storyline, i could feel a new-ness in myself, the perspective towards things.

     Knowing my history of hostel-escapades and home-sickness, many were quite sure that i would make a show at home or relative's place on the first weekend itself. But i suppose that one cannot say that they learnt something from life unless they act accordingly.

     Well, this time i didn't step onto the new phase with expectations.

     I knew that any dreams of any kind from my side would eventually lead to a crash of the whole journey, Not that Life would be super-smooth when i don't build clouds of how Life would go, but those dreams create a friction in my acceptance range of whatever Life comes up with.

     I had found the initial stage of my college life difficult, only cos' of the expectations i had from the same. 
     Before even i had a first vision of how my college and hostel look, i had constructed an entire picture of the four-year life, with dreams of independence in away-from-life, getting the sweetest and coolest friends on Earth, Joy and smiles filling up the days, etc. The dream happened, but after couple of years. Hence the mess during the initial steps, i couldn't be able to tolerate the slightest deviation from my fiction. The worse part was that i couldn't differentiate the reality from dreams, and half of the time i was living in some world. A hell lot of mess that was, complete credits to myself and my super-imaginative mind. 

     But things have changed. :-)

     The funniest thing is the Positivity that evolved from my Lost-Hope. I am seriously tired of getting my bigger dreams getting broken, which unfortunately doesn't stop me from dreaming, but i stopped basing my Life entirely on those dreams. 

     I would have been in a different scenario if i had followed my dreams, but i had been too scared and doubtful to do that. All i know is that i may not earn much or reach professional heights if i had gone behind my dreams, but would have mastered my career and would have been peaceful and happy.

     But the time has come to stop thinking about what would have happened. I am in a place which i have earned, inspite of it not being in the elite-dream-list, after putting up a fight and breaking the barriers.

     It is my Life now, to the core. When i stepped into this phase, i vowed to myself that whatever happens and however worse it is, i should neither complain nor regret and accept it with a strong mind.

     Well, there has been few ups and downs till date, but i am fine. Life has always more to do with, than the present ways, be it good or bad.

     There are few things that i have earned and learned in life, that i am proud of myself, Like the ability to admire simple beautiful elements, relish natural joys and fall in love with genuine souls.
And there are things that i hold close to heart that could make me keep going on in life with a confident smile of a blind hope, like my mom, my Best friend Jo, My close friends, music, photography, writing, my thoughts and dreams, rain, etc.

     On a finishing note, 

Well, things may get screwed up and at times,life may seem to go unfocussed and vague, and you may feel like walking in a dark maze, 
     But trust your heart and mind, Let the light within your eyes lead you.

     Life ends, only when we give up. Find the joy and beauty in small things around you and illuminate the days with your smile.

     Rather than walking in life, Walk hand-in-hand with Life. :-)



nothingprofound said...

Beautiful, sensitive, sincere writing. I really enjoyed this.

vini said...

Glad you like it. :-)
Thank you.


Anonymous said...

i loved t vini :-)

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Lil Miss Sunshine said...

Very well thought out!!

vini said...

thank you. :-)

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