August 26, 2010

I AM SAD! BAD! MAD! :-|


     Yeah rite. As the title says, I AM SAD, I AM BAD and I AM MAD.
     This post is a spontaneous one, un-planned and un-organised. Probably, more vague and forlorn as i am just venting out. So don't expect some well-framed beautiful phrases and words, cos' am in a sad, bad and mad mood that it is well gonna be short and silly and full of errors. Well, not my mistake. My temper doesn't know grammar.

     Let me just let it out short.

SAD!

     My bestie is leaving the country for her higher studies.
     
     Friends, countless in number and still expanding into a larger network. I admit that there are many in my life who are pinned with the tag of friendship. Also, i can very well say, with happiness and a little pride, that i am and can be a good friend.
     But then, there is only one with whom you can feel the complete compatibility. The one that cannot be replaced with infinite number of people.

     I believe strongly that Friendship is something wherein one, instead of influencing and changing one's life, should rather accept the person as they are.

     I have awesome great friends. But my best friend is someone with whom the above principle of friendship do not apply, or rather i should say that it has no use. There is nothing to be understood and accepted, cos' she is like a twin soul to me.

The best thing is that i met the BEST FRIEND with whom i feel so much connected.
The bad thing is that the meeting got delayed.
The worst thing is that she is soon going to a distant place for her masters.

     Well, i know that life has to keep going on and there are lot of ways to stay in contact and friends are made forever and it is the impossible to break this perfect friendship and also i am happy for her next phase.
     But there are certain things that our mind knows which our heart doesn't accept.
Hence, I am feeling sad!

BAD!

     Call it over-confidence or attitude or self-pride but It actually sounds funny when i describe myself as bad.
     Anyways, the thing is that yesterday mom asked me the details of the transactions and withdrawals from my account during the last month.

     I am sometimes stupidly hyper-sensitive about few things and tend to react in a stupid way. Finances are one of them. 

     Once dad complained that i should ask him for money directly if i am in need, for which my sensitivity got enabled and i stopped asking him for anything, except for signature in application forms. 

     Leos are independent souls and do not depend on anyone for anything. It might sound weak but then i am that, a strong leo. 

     Four years back, mom commented that i am over-using the credit card, and from then on, she stresses me to use it well cos' of my reduction, absence sometimes, of the use of card.
Too sensitive. Yeah that's me.
     After her much reluctant and cautiously framed inquiry, my temper shot up and was fuming with anger on the mis-trust and baseless assumption of wasting away the funds.

     Huh, there is this person who knows that i don't like dependence and provides me with the resources without my asking, yet i get angry with very few simple questions that ought to be told.

     How could i be so bad!




     I am waiting for the past two months for my call from the company about the joining date. 
It is so irritating to spend days with no work at all and while away time lazily.

     I love free times and holidays, but only if they are properly spaced between work. 
     This long, seemingly-unending empty days of vacation are so maddening that i either keep thinking about silly issues and worry without reasons, or paint the whole present with negativity.

     The maddening part of the madness is that i think of something and i contradict myself.

     Huh, I wanna think clear! Refine and focus the wandering thought-flow! Duh! Soo mad!



          Phew. . If you have scrolled all the way down through my frustrations, i really appreciate it. :-)

     The real post that i have worked out but incomplete, is currently sleeping with two other drafts. I will be completing soon hopefully. 
     These feel-bad disturbances just make me so dead tired!
     Let's see how things proceed.
     
     See ya soon, with better reasons and positive goods!

5 comments:

zooni said...

hope positivity strikes you soon... good luck with for ur life

surysingh said...

Beautifully put... going through the exact thing! :(

vini said...

Thanks Zooni. :-)

@Surysingh : Such things happen. Gotta go through. Everything will turn out alright. :-)

MJ said...

Hi!

Been there done that. Change always happens and that is what makes life interesting, eventhough we may not like the change sometimes. I am sure your moods will lift and you will feel better. You are lucky that you have so many friends. As for me, I travel so much around the globe that I have ended up having no friends or I sometimes wonder whether I am using that as an excuse.
All the best to you.

Murali

MJ said...

Hi!

Been there done that. Change always happens and that is what makes life interesting, eventhough we may not like the change sometimes. I am sure your moods will lift and you will feel better. You are lucky that you have so many friends. As for me, I travel so much around the globe that I have ended up having no friends or I sometimes wonder whether I am using that as an excuse.
All the best to you.

Murali