I KEEP WALKING.

I keep Walking,


A Search of a Mind,


Detached and left behind,


Burying the deepest secret, a Sorrow,


In the hope for a better tomorrow.


Walking ahead, with nobody taking me in tow,


The only companion being my own shadow,


Masked in disguise of strength,


Believing in the purpose of Life's length,


Let the torch within lead me,


Give a vision to see,


That in some way I serve Thee.


I Keep Walking.

THE SHADOW OF THE WIND. A REVIEW. OF LOVE AND JOURNEY.

There are different kinds of books, Those that guide you in Life, those that get you self introspecting, those that make you emotional, those that inspire you, those that receive your admiration and love, And even some that get you snoring over the book.

I am, though a vivid reader and in company of some novel all the time, not the literary expert. Pure fiction lover, with a happy ending note.

The day when Daniel (in the story) chose the "Shadow of the Wind by Julian Carax" from the cemetry of forgotten books and got adopted by the same, I was sure that similar fate awaited me with "The Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruis Zafon".

Every day, when i touch the book and read and live through the words, I feel (and still remember the feel) a unique sense of belonging.

Proud Owner Of the Masterpiece.

Every morning I would rush to the bus, get myself a comfortable corner seat and dive into the world.

Every Night, till late I would turn through the pages and stay glued to the book with a fatal attraction.

And Every time there would be a regretful act of closing the book with a rude snap from the Trance.

Furthermore, I would catch myself going reverse in pages, sometimes to reread and get a full feel of the moments, and other times out of fear of missing the lines and in turn the feel.

Basically, all of us dread a disappointment, a betrayal of perfection, in every story be it a movie or a book. Similarly even i was bound by the fear of losing the love for the book, which i had been garnering for days, to the climax.

But then I wouldn't have asked for more apt end than this.

Even a week after the final showdown, I still feel that I am walking through the streets of  Spanish Downtown, hand in hand with Daniel, Carax, Fermin, Sempere and others. And I just don't stop from taking the book and skimming through my favourite conversations over a cup of tea.

All i know is that the book has got me right well, And I have built a new world to relive.

As for the REVIEW, Carlos has done a beautiful work in portraying each and every character, making a sketch in our minds.

His Choice of words is a class apart and keeps the life in the story going on and even after the story is over.

The book keeps us bound to it with the events of twists and turns and ties a knot with our Hearts making it to render to each character.

Just as Carlos pointed out, this story is more like a split of one thing into million reflections, a fission of one story into thousands. Every turn of a page we discover smiles as well as tears, Joy as well as heaviness.

This may have been an exaggerated review for few, but then it is purely my take of the Book and I would recommend to anyone coming across.

Fiction lovers out there, You will just Love it. And Do give me a Hi-five below if you have been nodding all along the way.

Also, If any of you have similar bondings with some book in your lives then mention it below. :-) Who knows, I would also create another world of it. 

FREE-SPIRITED! - THE LATENCY OF BEING CHAINED. .

     "A Prisoner's Diary". Well, That's how a diary, of anyone for that matter, would be most of the times referred to as. Kind of a popular expression used.

     That day, i was writing my journal as usual (not that usual, owing to my laziness and procrastinating the same) and my friend casually joked that one fine day my diary would be published as "Another Prisoner's Diary" and be the Best-seller. Well, how i wish i write some "Sense" in my journal for that to happen. :-P Anyways, it sounded nice though.

 

     But the Caption? It may have come from the popular tag, but doesn't suit my writing.

It doesn't suit anyone, unless they have been held captive in a dark room with a light from a small window, too high to be reached, and located in an isolated island. (Just an imaginative desc)

     Yes, Right. We are free. Independent. Decisive. Rightful. Strong. Powerful. Living.

     So. . . When was the last time when we had to bury our Dream to keep living in the "REAL" world?

     Did It ever happen to us, that we Crushed our Identity to hold onto a Bond, a Bond of Love threatened by our Individuality?

     How many times We had to say a point-blank NO, Due to the Scenes of stern faces that crop up inside our heads, when our Heart is shouting Madly an YES inside us?

     And How many times have We Trusted our Instincts/Feelings/Heart, rather than the Standing Facts, and proceeded with a brave heart?

     Nope. I don't think it ever happens with us. We are Free. Not bonded, chained or segregated.  **I Hope IRONY is obvious in my Tone**

     Well, we are not enslaved, yet we can't be free-willed.

     We always find something to go amiss.

     Nevertheless, we prefer to be chained even if we Yearn to fly high or Get Lost far away.

     Prisoners in some way or the other.

     A Prisoner, Sometimes to the rules imposed by others and the "society"-since-1800 and other times by the stitched framework for ourselves by Us.

     A Prisoner, to 'Bonds' of Love and to 'Chains' of Influence.

     A Prisoner, of the Never-ending sequels of Everyday Drama of Life, the sanity of mind in facing the Varied Sentiments of Humanity and also the Hatred of small Minds, and of the Hard ways of Sacrifices we make with the Strong beliefs and Passions of Ours to the Cause of holding onto the Normality of Emotions, Undisturbed. 

Nevertheless,

Let's take a Stand. Life, be it short or long, should be in our way, However Logical or impractical.

     Live a Dream everyday. And show the World that Our Thoughts are no Less than the Value of the Existing Theories of survivals.

     Cos' Sometimes, Sunken ships in High and Wild Tides tell Stories Much Lovelier than Silent Journeys on Commonly-used Surface.

                           

THE NAME FANTASIES - MY NAME MEANS MEE. . .

     A few days back, i was G-chatting with this new e-friend of mine. 

     She said that i have a cute name, to which i made a partial-modest reply. Yes, Partial-modest. 

I don't think i am modest but then, i have been hearing a lot of stop-being-modest comments lately that i am consciously trying to keep off the modest part, and ultimately ending up giving a partial-diplomatic, partial-humble and partial-funny reply. Anyways, that's not the subject. 

     I replied her, "My name sounds cute alright, but that's just my nicky" and told her my complete proper name, Vinithra.

     She was like, Ohhhh...(A long thoughtful one) Nice name (after a long thought, but not fully satisfied with the word 'nice'). Mmmm, Different actually (Finally, coming to a conclusion). 

     But she seemed to start liking my name. (God Promise, i didn't publicize or colorize the font) 

     She said in a dreamy tone, "Wish i had that name. There are two margarets in my class itself. Not an issue but it would be nice to stand up uniquely to your name call". I just told her that names don't make a big difference and that she has a sweet name and that i was glad that she liked my name.

     Uh.. Oh. Wait a minute. Did i say that names don't matter much? 

     There have been many times where i picture myself with different names, Countless wishes of having a different name. But i don't mind sharing my name with someone, who knows, We might be sharing some common interests too and we might become great friends through our same-name-factor.

Anyways,

     Mine is not a totally common name. Just that you don't get to hear much, And obviously totally new to English people.

     There are few things that hold me back from falling in love with my name. 

A big con. BIG CON. It starts with V.

(I could sense your angry look).

     Well, As a school-going kid. I wished badly and daily to have a name that starts with A, So that i get to stand as the first person in a queue while going on local trips to museum and library, the first name in attendance and get called first everytime, the first name for the teachers and students to remember through everyday attendance-calls, first to take the first post as class monitor, or first to take up some responsibility on first day of school, or to get to sit on the first bench, or. . . 

Yeah, the usual school kid's thrills. 

     The A-wish went on for a while, till my high-schooling i suppose.

     But Name-wish continued.

     My name is actually one of the many names of Goddess Saraswati, Indian God of Knowledge. Kinda proud of that. Ignoring that, well there are names which makes people to say wow-sweet-name genuinely, without the courtesy-force of passing the same compliment.

There are names that sound powerful and cool and enticing, and names that are lovable and cute. 

     Sometime back, i remember that i was wishing for a name, the person being cute and loved by all her friends, And who attracted the attention of someone close-to-heart, the small possessiveness factor.

     But when i think about it, And a lot of After-thoughts through years,

     My friends like my name, or rather i think it is because it is mine. I don't think that it would matter much to them even if i had any of the names i wished for, and nothing would have changed much, except for the way they would have nick-named me. 

     Moreover, except for the way i would have felt about my name, no other difference i would have seen.

     Afterall, names that have a meaning, color, tone, flavour or a history behind, not necessarily would add meaning to life. 

     Maybe, when we create history our names would get added to the ELITE list.

     One of my close friends from college said that she found my name different and new when she heard it first, but now the common names that sound like mine seem new to her. L-O-L! 

Only a step difference in taking a liking for you, the instant when your name is said and the moment immediately after that instant. 

     The whole post may sound new to you (Like my name), or something that you heard from someone or felt yourself long back, but sure got my thinking-s. 

     Well, I may or may not be completely convinced, but i kinda like my name, no issues. 

     All the same, the admiration for names continue. . . . 

     Some of the names that made me go WOW! 

     - Pooja, Heera, Henna, Sanjana, Jiah, Sarah, Samantha, Hannah, Ann, Sheena, Joanne, Catherine, . . . . 

And many Shakespearean names like Viola, Ariel, Miranda, Celia, Adriana, Helena,. . . (No, Not Juliet, Never a fan of Tragedy, Especially a romantic tragedy)

And Mythical ones like Ariel, Heidi, Cindrella, Aurora, Marigold,. . . . . . .

     So, Ever felt not-so-fine with your name and wished or got ideas to change it? had any name crushes? Name a name or two that attracted you and got your liking instantly?

                                                                   

ME BEHIND A BOOK - LIVING A DREAM - INSPIRED BY ELIZABETH GILBERT.

     When i was doing my usual browsing, i came across this site.

     My goal was to publish something (anything, anywhere) before I died. I collected only massive piles of rejection notes for years. I cannot explain exactly why I had the confidence to be sending off my short stories at the age of 19 to, say, The New Yorker, or why it did not destroy me when I was inevitably rejected. I sort of figured I’d be rejected. But I also thought: “Hey – somebody has to write all those stories: why not me?” I didn’t love being rejected, but my expectations were low and my patience was high. 

     It has never been easy for me to understand why people work so hard to create something beautiful, but then refuse to share it with anyone, for fear of criticism. Wasn’t that the point of the creation – to communicate something to the world? So PUT IT OUT THERE. 

     As for discipline – it’s important, but sort of over-rated. The more important virtue for a writer, I believe, is self-forgiveness. Because your writing will always disappoint you. Your laziness will always disappoint you. You will make vows: “I’m going to write for an hour every day,” and then you won’t do it. You will think: “I suck, I’m such a failure. I’m washed-up.” The other thing to realize is that all writers think they suck. When I was writing “Eat, Pray, Love”, I had just as a strong a mantra of THIS SUCKS ringing through my head as anyone does when they write anything. But I had a clarion moment of truth during the process of that book. One day, when I was agonizing over how utterly bad my writing felt, I realized: “That’s actually not my problem.” 

     The point I realized was this – I never promised the universe that I would write brilliantly; I only promised the universe that I would write. So I put my head down and sweated through it, as per my vows.

Courtesy: www.elizabethgilbert.com/writing.htm 

I recommend you to read the complete page. Who knows, you might add to your favourites too.

     You would have probably guessed by now the voice behind the lines, none other than the author of the life book "Eat, Pray, Love", Elizabeth Gilbert. 

     

     Though i couldn't and i don't call myself as a writer, I have always been fond of writing, felt a relief and solace in writing down and considered my journal as my soulmate that neither criticises back nor weigh the worth of my words. 

     Also, even after choosing to walk on the path of bytes, codes and BUGS (technically), i have this dream, a focussed fixed and realistic one, of writing a book. It may not be the bestseller or a booker-prize winner, but it will do a good read and atleast a handfull of hearts would enjoy it.

     I feel so lucky to have stumbled by her site. Her thoughts on writing gives me a real push behind me, urging me to keep walking and working on my writing intentions. More than just reading the article, i rather could hear her talking to me through it. 

     I had confided to very few about my dream of BOOK-Marking, for which i had received some sarcastic stares and sweet but not-so-serious pats-on-my-back, more than real motivations.

     But you know what, Sometimes you do get signs from some force in this universe that would indicate that you are walking in the right path and remind you of your forgotten wishes and lost hopes. (Call this destiny, philosophy or unfounded belief) 

     I should say that the minute i read her words, i added her to the golden list, the second name of the list, a list which i would hold close to heart till my passion for life gets lost in the dreary desert of life with troubled sands. The first name being my aunt's, who, without having read even a single story or scribbling in my journal, gifts me with notebooks.

     I can't wait to read her book "Eat, Pray, Love" before i watch the movie. No e-books, No borrowing. Wanna buy and feel the hard-cover and read.

     Sharpening my pencil and turning to the white page that has been waiting to carry a small part of my dreams, i continue my unstoppable and lovable journey.

     Gimme a hi-5 if there is anyone out there who is waiting for a star to cross the window to make a wish of writing a plot, be it fiction, non-fiction, romance or a bed-time story. :-)

                                           

I AM SAD! BAD! MAD! :-|

     Yeah rite. As the title says, I AM SAD, I AM BAD and I AM MAD.

     This post is a spontaneous one, un-planned and un-organised. Probably, more vague and forlorn as i am just venting out. So don't expect some well-framed beautiful phrases and words, cos' am in a sad, bad and mad mood that it is well gonna be short and silly and full of errors. Well, not my mistake. My temper doesn't know grammar.

     Let me just let it out short.

SAD!

     My bestie is leaving the country for her higher studies.

     

     Friends, countless in number and still expanding into a larger network. I admit that there are many in my life who are pinned with the tag of friendship. Also, i can very well say, with happiness and a little pride, that i am and can be a good friend.

     But then, there is only one with whom you can feel the complete compatibility. The one that cannot be replaced with infinite number of people.

     I believe strongly that Friendship is something wherein one, instead of influencing and changing one's life, should rather accept the person as they are.

     I have awesome great friends. But my best friend is someone with whom the above principle of friendship do not apply, or rather i should say that it has no use. There is nothing to be understood and accepted, cos' she is like a twin soul to me.

The best thing is that i met the BEST FRIEND with whom i feel so much connected.

The bad thing is that the meeting got delayed.

The worst thing is that she is soon going to a distant place for her masters.

     Well, i know that life has to keep going on and there are lot of ways to stay in contact and friends are made forever and it is the impossible to break this perfect friendship and also i am happy for her next phase.

     But there are certain things that our mind knows which our heart doesn't accept.

Hence, I am feeling sad!

BAD!

     Call it over-confidence or attitude or self-pride but It actually sounds funny when i describe myself as bad.

     Anyways, the thing is that yesterday mom asked me the details of the transactions and withdrawals from my account during the last month.

     I am sometimes stupidly hyper-sensitive about few things and tend to react in a stupid way. Finances are one of them. 

     Once dad complained that i should ask him for money directly if i am in need, for which my sensitivity got enabled and i stopped asking him for anything, except for signature in application forms. 

     Leos are independent souls and do not depend on anyone for anything. It might sound weak but then i am that, a strong leo. 

     Four years back, mom commented that i am over-using the credit card, and from then on, she stresses me to use it well cos' of my reduction, absence sometimes, of the use of card.

Too sensitive. Yeah that's me.

     After her much reluctant and cautiously framed inquiry, my temper shot up and was fuming with anger on the mis-trust and baseless assumption of wasting away the funds.

     Huh, there is this person who knows that i don't like dependence and provides me with the resources without my asking, yet i get angry with very few simple questions that ought to be told.

     How could i be so bad!

MAD

     I am waiting for the past two months for my call from the company about the joining date. 

It is so irritating to spend days with no work at all and while away time lazily.

     I love free times and holidays, but only if they are properly spaced between work. 

     This long, seemingly-unending empty days of vacation are so maddening that i either keep thinking about silly issues and worry without reasons, or paint the whole present with negativity.

     The maddening part of the madness is that i think of something and i contradict myself.

     Huh, I wanna think clear! Refine and focus the wandering thought-flow! Duh! Soo mad!

          Phew. . If you have scrolled all the way down through my frustrations, i really appreciate it. :-)

     The real post that i have worked out but incomplete, is currently sleeping with two other drafts. I will be completing soon hopefully. 

     These feel-bad disturbances just make me so dead tired!

     Let's see how things proceed.

     

     See ya soon, with better reasons and positive goods!

NERVOUS..TENSED..EXCITED.. CONFUSED.. HUH! WHATEVER!

     This is one of the most common feel which i rather mask it all the time.

     Brace yourselves, here comes the description with my own unique UNBEARABLE way of expressing things. The feeling goes likes this.

     It would be as though the seismic waves are spreading within you that you find yourself shaking at a richter scale of 9, your stomach gets tightened and your heart plays the skip-rope, you would feel like crying out loud  yet, you wanna laugh like crazy too. You wanna be left alone but you would find yourself talking a lot. You want to sleep but rather you feel like dancing mad. If there were any witness for the extremity of such a feeling of yours, you would certainly be mistaken for a neuro patient. Phew. 

     Well, this is how one, well i for one, would feel so at times of tension combined with some excitement. For instance, when results for whatever it might be are expected to come, when you are going on a date for the first time, on the night prior to the day of your marriage. And, when you are selected for a job and waiting for the call. And furthermore, all your friends except for you have received the calls and you are still waiting, waiting and waiting, to get to know your location and joining date. 

     All i am doing right now is praying for a good location, along with my friend and getting some confusing varying thoughts like, how the hell i got missed out, what if my resume had stuck to its neighbours or flown away when the window was kept open,. . . 

     And more mad thoughts like, whether was it real or had i been dreaming that i got really selected by the company and i am trying to focus whether did it really happen or were it my illusion. . .

      And interfering ones like, what if i get posted in a separate place with no friends and in new locality. . 

     Oh god.. let this get over soon. Cos' am really really going too mad about it..

     At such times, i write down, which i am doing right now and which would be saved in drafts till i format it. And then, listen to music or say aal izz well,Which i might have learnt this from a bollywood movie but trust me, it sure works. 

     Moreover, The world is in need of me. Okay, sorry for that overkill. But there are people out there who is probably going nerve wreck over this silly call letter issue. 

     These are times when you need to feel positive without any reason so that you could pass on some positive energy to others and help them feel a bit better, which is a better alternative than chorusing with them the "mee-too, boohoo" song.

Time to get back to work.

     I had written this post, last week, when my friends, except for 4 or 5 including me, didn't get the call. While everyone else were frustrated and were acting tensed, i was actually feeling mad initially but i got this idea of writing down the scene since i would not be able to recreate the exact feel, unless otherwise it happens again and i get to remember to pen down. Also, writing it down provided a way to relieve the tension and also it would later sound funny whenever i read it. I still didn't get the call yet, but then, AAL IZZ WELL!! :-)

As i said before,

Time to get back to work.

Cherio. :-)