A VIRTUAL RELAPSE.

You know, what it really means to be detached?

I have deactivated my facebook account. Unplugged a source that had the lights of bonds keep going on.

Now the power is gone, the color of lights do not seem to matter much and my eyes are getting accustomed to the dark. A Nice Feel.

Nobody really cares how we feel. It is all about how others perceive how we feel.

The times when people really wanted to keep in touch with colleagues and friends and grow their networks, both professionally and socially, isn't much obvious in this social network.

The present has seen this virtual network grow so big, all on the basis of mediocre human nature, that has brought the real purpose of networking.

Well For instance, How many of us do think about the number of likes and comments every day?

The number of "shares" for what we shared.

The size of our friend list.

The exploration of private lives of people and their relationships.

Well, most of us do. And It is quite normal. We want people to look up on us.

The survival of humanity exists in the mutual acknowledgments between fellow minds.

We wish to be recognized and we desire to be appreciated.

In this process, we also actually lose the touch with ourselves, forget to think worthy of self and the genuineness of our own thoughts that are actually invaluable.

I am well aware of some voices of disagreements, from my own mind as well as echoes from around. But then, Basic rule - Perceptions differ.

I am not generalizing my opinion. All the same, I have suspended mine , cos' I saw myself getting lost in the virtual intricacies, becoming more conscious on what I say, more concerned on the responses.

I was pretending to be happy, when I was in reality facing a dead end. 

Not the least, I saw my personal space invaded.

This is it.

If I have to rule a kingdom, I dare rule it my way.

I love it this way. This detachment from the struggle for existence in the virtual world. A kind of Rehab. 

Feel Good. :-)

However, I would be back FB-ing.

But for now,   

    Feels Good. :-)

. . . . .

Somedays we, Well no use pretending to be cool and doing general talking, I feel that i am not worth to live, or loved.

I have less concern for people or their feelings in place of mine, I avoid emotions, I distance myself from people who start to love me or showing affections or get close to me.

If there is a self survey/introspection, I know very well that the duration of myself being alone is much greater than being with people. I don't have much social life or extroverted as i seem to be. Infact my extroversion and social life is negligible.

Here ends what i know.

What i don't know is,

Why the hell I do this. To myself and others.

I feel something deep and seriously wrong with my mind. 

Am i really that Psychologically affected person, the one whom i have been avoiding so long.

The MPD and schizophrenia and some other illusion disorders which i have been reading about or seeing in serials, All the while digesting and burying the fact that they don't define me.

Today, A Choice had to be made.

Something which i or him never imagined to come to this point. 

It all started with me behaving weird and closed. 

And ended with me losing the only person i love. 

I have no reason for me being closed and hard. Selfish and silly.

Mainly, I don't understand myself, the way i feel.

I never meant to hurt anyone. 

Hearing me?

WEIRD TIMES. ON and AHEAD.

So, as far as i understand, i can keep up a resolution for upto three days max. I just couldn't write up the daily nonsense owing to my laziness.

Much has been happening, relationship issue, and I did and Now I am trying to ignore and forget whatever has been happening.

Just feeling hurt and alone. Confused. 

Love is really a beautiful thing, gives a special meaning to Life, But not the whole meaning. 

When it comes to life, There are many others reasons to breathe and smile, And Love just doesn't becomes everything.

I may be seeing something very small and worthless, but I want to settle with something that i have been fighting for years. Freedom. One thing that has been elusive for me, An Independence-day born.

But the present seem more lost. 

I have been losing touch with friends, family, etc. in the context of being in a relationship which needs some solid time and space. 

But now, as it has been suspended (the suitable word i would use as of now), I feel void.

It seems like, I entered into the gates of a city, a stranger empty place. 

Alone and empty.

Snapped from the illusion of having 430 friends or a big family.

It is just me and me.

Moreover, This age of mine is not the best time to lose a relationship, Cos' anytime i would be tied an irreversible knot, and it is totally insensible if it is a stranger in the scene.

But then, As far as i am concerned, That one particular issue would have to stay "ELUSIVE" as much and as long as my independence.

Life is very short (And all the same i don't intend for it to be long). And I want to Feel and Live for sometime. 

No dependencies or intrusions.

No Wonder. No Problem.

Being Me and Me, all over.

A FEEL to WORK, BREATHE, and LIVE for. And to TALK NONSENSE about. LIKE THIS.

Oh Man! Crisis.

I was under the conception that the name i have kept for my blog is something out of the box, and if i google it, i could find the link atleast in the tenth page. But not happening.

Seems like many have thought blah-blah-blah-ing through their blogs, i mean Blahgs.

Well now even the name is as dilemma-ic as the blog itself. 

Anyways, As i said, It just doesn't stop.

Today i had a nice chilled out conversation with team, Where a colleague described his morning walks and brought out the Refreshing feel to reality. As for me, being a night person, and having witnessed just few sunrises, It was more of a pleasant stuff to hear, which took me to wondering how would it be, and how would i feel. 

Never Mind. It's all about how we enjoy, not exactly when. Though trying out things even if it doesn't come under your line would be a good idea, after all we try out things and show ourselves as someone who we may not really be, Why not try out small simple new things for personal ways.

Not altogether pointless.

Pointless. Yes, I had written a line in my other blog yesterday, " just don't lead a pointless life just cos' it seems to be the easy way"

A Comment by a good friend, that we could very well lead a pointless life than living on silly points. 

Well, i have been thinking on this for the past few hours and i just couldn't get myself to acknowledge it in any possible way. Not to be biased, It may also be because that my thought has been opposed. 

Anyways, I feel that even if purpose behind, be it silly or worthy, it is our life and the FEEL we have must be genuine and true. Nothing else matters. 

Do you think I give a damn on what you feel about my life. Obviously not. None of us do. 

Hence Proved. Simple and nice to argue, having a valid point and a void response. ;-)

Also, this blog is all about what i really think and feel, and not what i reply.

Dust off to those diplomatic polished replies.